Reason you can now give for being late (to class or to work )

I’m sorry, my soul wouldn’t stop crying.



I was trying to masturbate but it took waaaay longer than anticipated because the president kept instant messaging me and updating his Instagram with pics of his party friends and some sort of loose “football?” from the weekend

and I thought it might be important.




I’m sorry but I thought I saw Anderson Cooper’s eyeballs flare and spinning awesomely but I wasn’t sure so I had to call a friend to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating and then she had to get to a cable television set, which the nearest was at a worn-down Applebee’s (the one on 72nd with the robot machine computer as the waiter in the middle of the table) and she ordered a martini and then she said yes I see it too and I then I knew that I was ok and I came straight here.

Spinning. They were rotating fantastically like a pinball machine but he kept smiling.










I’m late because my soul died late last night

… around 3am and I didn’t know what to do with it.


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