and not the one from Stephen King.
I had a few interesting things happen to me in these last couple of days, and in the spirit of breaking free from my self-imposed shell of obscurity, I am writing them on my blog, why not?
I got a little closed-in in the last idk year? here on outerpoets (it’s a long story) and now I’m saying eff it, just do it Clara. A little help from the universe, a push here, a tug there, a sprinkle of not-so-fairy dust everywhere has helped. Hmmm lest’s see…
It was a kind of off day on this Friday but not as bad as Saturday and I was confused, a little pissed, amused, and a ball of knots in my gut refusing to unfurl. I felt wrecked. For more than one reason. Skipping over all the banal, I’m walking in this state park see, on a trail, no headphones because my data was gone and anyway when I do wear headphones I only wear one in one ear so I can hear if a MAC truck is barrelling off-road or a spazzed-out bath fizz junkie is creeping up to eat me. It happens.
But on this day, no data, all thoughts. Great. So I’m walking and I hear an unearthly gutteral growl from the woods to my left. I really can’t even call it a growl because it was like no sound I had ever heard irl.
Instinctively, I knew it wasn’t a dog or anything like that so I just kept moving at the same pace and glanced (saw the bush rustle) but did not stare hard. My next intuitive was to scan the area in front of me for any hard stick or big rock to use to murder this thing in case it started running after me. I did not look back. (Well, until later when I was well away I glanced).
Now, if it had chose to effing murder me I would have simply died because there were ABSOLUTELY NO sticks or stones on the trail, thanks park maintenance crews you really helped. Anyway it was so disturbing that I put it out of my brain and didn’t think about it again until later that night when something told me to research for just 10 minutes. I went on the official Wildlife reporting site and found that in our area there are friggin mountain lions (cougars) that are sometimes reported. Mostly just if a goat or small dog gets eaten. They like goats, apparently.
Can’t be, I thought, then I googled: What does a mountain lion sound like and this came up-
The EXACT same sound. The second and third sounds on the video to be exact. At least I know it wasn’t something from another universe.
But that leads me to this: maybe it was a little of both? Sounds crazy, but, here’s why. (It’s kinda hard to explain without a mountainload of backstory about psychic energy and physics and etcetera, but, whatevera) Basically its summed by a quote from Otto Weininger that I ended up reading THAT VERY SAME NIGHT….
“The rapping noises in the room are an inner shattering buried in the unconscious.”
But that’s only partly it because then it said that those rapping noises or whatever can physically manifest into the physical realm, infused by your strong psychic mana (elemental force). Like the energy is so strong that it creates this real thing. But instead of a raven I get a cougar, ok.
And it was funny because a little down the trail I crossed a woman jogging the other direction (back where I had come from) with headphones I might add and for a millisecond I wondered if I should tell her but decided against it, let her figure it out on her own.
Sounds crazy right? I know I heard it. OUTSIDE of my head, it was real sound waves emanating from the bush, which rustled. Saturday, a friend of mine who practices holistic philosophy asked me (after just being told the bare bones story of me hearing the noise) if I had been having any strong angry energy lately because it would have picked up on that and felt threatened by me walking by.
Ok, enough of that. Saturday- the knot got bigger. More complex. Bouts of anger, sliding into sadness, then the party topper- self-pity oh me.
“There may, and there often does come a time when one feels…like “standing on nothing, in nothing and about to topple over.” The centre of consciousness has been changed; old landmarks are slipping away, and sometimes black doubt ensues.” (The Friendly Philosopher, p. 8)
Hadn’t been this bad in a while and I literally forced myself to turn on an inspirational speaker while doing my workout and ended up just dropping the weights on the ground, lying prostrate, then fetal, sobbing, then gathering myself and wondering about my new horizontal close-to-the-ground perspective. I felt like a beetle. A sad little un-realized beetle.
“…as soon as he offers himself up he rouses and lashes to desperation every sleeping passion of his animal nature. All the weaknesses and drawbacks in one’s nature, of which one was not even aware, come to the surface.”
That passed and to Sunday- another strange happening. I’ll keep it short. Met a woman, more really a being- entity- universe hopping I believe. Well, I didn’t know that at first but after talking with her for a bit I did. She said a lot of things and I don’t want to forget them, but for one she mentioned something about being a part of a community that were dreamcatchers of the galaxy, or something like that. I wish I could recall exactly how she said it. And yes lol, she was real, we were at a party and she was introduced as one of my friend’s grandmothers from the native american reservation we have near our community. Other people saw her and were talking to her too 🙂
When we sat down and she said something about the universe and I said something back something clicked. It was like we both knew. She focused her gaze on me and I on her and we moved our seats closer together and just talked. She told me about the 100th monkey, the waves from our hearts traveling and you can see them like strings, I saw hers reaching into mine, and she told me about when she was exactly my age she had a visitor come to her and tell her many things about the universe. I felt my soul open up and I wanted to cry, everybody else at the party kind of faded and she asked me if I knew the Grandmother Spider woman, I said I wasn’t sure but I would try to remember. Then she just stared at me a long time but I couldn’t see her eyes because she was wearing dark sunglasses the whole party. She didn’t elaborate and I didn’t feel to ask. We talked about the internet and decided to work together someway and I felt truly opened up and re-energized that I can, despite the evidence seeming otherwise, effect my reality, so to speak. Or something like that.
I guess after the fires yes there is gold
a “psychic resolvent, which eats away all dross and leaves only the pure gold behind.”