well… you asked. are seemed to ask and now I gotta. hmmm well to share a little more than usual I’ll just say life’s been a little rough. I mean, I’m not all a downer, it’s been some good times too but more tumult than usual inwardly this summer. That can be a good thing too, I know, and the arrow pulled the farthest back shoots the farthest etc ad ad. Guess I haven’t been sharing what’s on the inside because i thought I was crazy or paranoid or I people would use it against me, but then I realized that people who share on the blogs I start to relate to and don’t judge them and appreciate the honesty when i see it so- here we go. Wait- also I thought if I did share no one would understand bu turns out that’s not true. Well, some assholes won’t but that’s why they are who they are and we need them too somehow lol. Guess I’ll start small and work my way up to the crazy lol.
Wait and if you’re out there reading this in the future (you know who you are) somehow well this is for you and i hope you don’t get sad and can contact me again and let me know your heart strings- for you- a melody. Well- here’s to me talking again- heads up-
Summer Dates- not the snacks LOL. I went on a few dates this summer some of them set ups (in a way) some of them from the internet and one that just kinda happened. The first guy back in june- we went to the outside movies on a saturday and I wore a long beige thin cotton dress with delicate pink flowers all down the front. I haven’t really been into bras lately because of the restriction and it feels like a strayjacket pulled over my lungs and heart so I’ve been winging it the best I can. Sometimes it’s awkward but this time it was perfect until the end. We sat outside and he brought a blanket and fruit (I was super hungry because I thought we were having dinner but I didn’t say anything and eyed all the other people eating sandwiches ahhhh.) We know each other from mutual friends so I always kinda had a little flirty crush on him but he never seemed interested and actually now that I think about it kinda looked down on me like I wasn’t smart or cool enough. also- he rode a motorcycle which made that ok for the moment- the summer I mean. I will be offended in the winter when no sunset country rides.
Anyway he only brought one blanket and so it got kinda cold during the movie projected on the big wall (Grease!) and so he laid down behind me and draped his arm over my arm and breasts which I thought was the sweetest hottest thing. Heartbeat heartbeat. Grease. Well, he didn’t kiss me and never called me and I ran into him recently and mustered up the courage to move a little past the polite chitter chatter and ask just for fyi future dating purposes why he didn’t call or was he just not that into me. Well, he actually answered ( I think) and said he kinda liked me but just wasn’t ready for the responsibility. Ok motorcycle.
this is actually kinda good
I’ll probably just list one or two more i don’t want to bore anybody to tears! 🙂
There was the man who took me to the batting cages which was fun and we hit a few balls and he missed all the ones in the fast cage (I mean they were going extraordinarily fast) from the machine and I said I could probably hit em. He said, “let me see you try” and I went in and just swung before the machine even whirred (it was a matter of timing) and I think that maybe got his confidence. I asked, “are you mad?” and he said “who’ve you been dating that would get mad at something like that!?” I thought about it and figured he was right. Then we watched straight outta compton and I was feeling extra flirty sexy that night and even wore my leopard pants, so I bent in front of the screen to adjust one of the dials…. to no avail, he just sat there. I could tell he liked me but was nervous which is normal I guess. After that, I didn’t feel sexy again for a lot of nights in a row. So that never went anywhere.
Hmmm getting a little worn from writing now, I think I’m losing my momentum- oh before I forget- I remember a date from LAST summer though omg-
He picked me up and we went to Scotty Brown’s and had a good conversation and he seemed kinda cultured but not affected. And I was being myself and he seemed ok with that (one of my things is to be me and not the i-wanna-maybe-get-married-one-day-so-i’m-going-to-show-you-the-five-star-version-of-me-for-two-or-three-years-and-then-shock-the-shit-out-of-you-when-I-go-ape-shit-psycho-three-weeks-after-the-honeymoon-thereby-forever-operating-at-a-two-star-maximum-until-we-both-die-or-i-kill-you-you-kill-me-both-plead-the-fifth). So I was being myself and we were both laughing and having fun, then though, we got back in his car and he started rolling up a joint at a stoplight.
Licking it and everything. Which is fine if guys want to do that I have no problem with it even though I’m not so into it, but it was just so abrupt and no segue that I wasn’t mentally prepared for the whole performance. It was like a silent movie- the focused licking and dumping etc en route to wherever we were going. Then he causally flicked on a television screen that I didn’t even know was there in the middle console and low and behold it was a hip-hop video but not just ANY hip-hop video but a X-rated strip pole scene.
Now. While a certain part of me found this wildy hilarious another part was just bummed out at the significant turn of events because it made me think about what he thought about me and then I was just thinking too hard and I wondered for a first date if this was appropriate. I have no problems with rap or strip clubs and even went to a few with a few ex-boyfriends but I won’t go into all that but this was different somehow. I don’t know, later, when I went home and replayed the sudden turn of events with the joint and the video and his nonchalant air…the look on his face of slight confusion by my confusion at how to keep my face very blank and not laugh or ask too many questions….
but boy did I have questions…. lol
(warning this may not be appropriate for some viewers) … nobody gave me that warning lol 🙂